Guaranteed Weight Loss Program
A fellow was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for: "GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM." "Guaranteed like heck," he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day/10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful, 19 yr. old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!"
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.
On the fourth day, he weighs himself and he is delighted to find that he has lost 10 pounds. So, he calls the company and orders their 5 day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me." He's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had.
For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighed himself and found he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 lb. program. "Are you sure?", asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you."